The Prayer of My Child

Tonight was a toughy. A nightly routine we have is to pray as a family before putting the children to bed. Usually this happens in the girls' room with us "piled" together. We follow prayer time with all kinds of kisses and hugs and laughter and giggles and even some tickles! We like to be together.

So, tonight was James' night to pray. He's got Mondays since he's the firstborn. (Many years ago there was much controversy over who got to do it on what night. We came up with a simple solution . . . Monday-James, Tuesday-Jacob, Wednesday-Jared, and now Hannah has been added to Thursday and Sarah to Friday.) Back to tonight's prayer time with James. I'm cuddling Sarah in my arms and listening to James as he so beautifully brings requests and praises before our precious Lord. There are times I am overwhelmed with what is going on the minds of our children. Tonight was one of those times. Many many evenings, petitions for my health have gone before Him. The requests have been many from healing to freedom from pain to "clear" CT Scan to . . . well, you know. As James came upon my name and asking for there to be "no more cancer ever", I was hit hard. Here's my nearly 16 year-old baby begging for his mother to never have cancer again. That nearly breaks my heart, yet at the same time honors me beyond what words can describe. I'm not sure what to do with it all. Perhaps, just being grateful and praising the Lord is the best way to handle this heart-gripping emotion. Trusting in Him is a given on this one!

Nope . . . I'm Not!!

Frequently this experience happens to me as I go about my daily life. Whether I'm shopping at Target, Costco or JoAnn's . . . eating at Del Taco, Ancho's or Chick-fil-A . . . sitting at a park, waiting in a doctor's office, gathered with other homeschoolers, or simply spending a few minutes while at the car wash, IT inevitably occurs! People . . . they are watching us!! Since the children are with me most of the time, all five of them, I seem to draw attention without really wanting or realizing it! My children are quite cooperative, don't throw food, never run in a store, and most of the time, are rather resepectful. You should know, though, they are human, do sin, and there are times I'm not pleased with their choices! However, when we are "out", the stares we get are not because of unruly behavior . . . thankfully! Perhaps, because I've always dreamed of a large family, I do not think larger families are strange, odd or even utilizing too many resources. I am intrigued, fascinated, and find "watching" them enjoyable! It is with this understanding that I'd like to think most people "watch" us. Hopefully, our life is a pleasing to the eye, respectful to others, but most of all . . . honoring to the Lord.

With this in mind, I have received comments too numerous to list regarding the size of my family . . . many nice ones, but surprisingly, most of them not nice. While I'll not get into the "not nice" comments, some of the "nice" ones still have me laughing! I think remembering the nice ones keeps the sting of the not nice ones at bay. Today, I received my newest favorite!

The day had been busy in the school room and tummies were growling. The children had kept up the pace and were working hard at their studies. Feeling "thankful" for their efforts, I offered to take them to Del Taco for lunch. Of course, they were thrilled! While we were finishing our meal, this nice Hispanic man came in, placed a to-go order and sat near us to wait. Within seconds, he started glancing at our table, noticing how many were seated. Thankfully, he had a smile! It wasn't too long until he worked up the nerve to ask if all the children were mine. With delight, I said "yes, they are"! He smiled bigger and looked at each child's face. Then came his reply . . . "and you're not even Mexican!" This tickled me to the depths of my soul!

As quickly as I processed what he had just said to me, I began to wonder, why can't a white woman have a large family. On many occasions, I have been told that some have thought me to be Mormon or Catholic. This gentleman from today's lunch probably wouldn't have looked twice if I were Mexican. But, a white woman . . . now that puzzled him. While I have no problem with any of these other classifications of people, typically, my response is "I am simply a Christian who loves the Lord's blessings."

I'm still giggling . . . "and you're not even Mexican!" That's a good one!!

Healing vs. Consequence?

Last night, I went to bed pondering this disease called "cancer". It really is an awfully destructive thing. So many are affected by it . . . both the patient and their many loved ones. It hits people of all ages and stages of life. Recently, I've been "linked" to several different stories of those deep in the battle. A couple of these have now been ushered into the presence of the Lord. Their "battle" is over, yet the "battle" still ensues for their loved ones. These loved ones are left to pick up the pieces, figure out a new normal, learn how to function without this significant person in their life, and perhaps most challenging . . . handle the moment-by-moment emotion that now grips their heart.

Friday, I will attend the memorial service in celebration of a wonderful woman's life. She was a victim of this awful disease. There are many who must now "go on" without her -- husband, children, grandchildren, countless friends. She was . . . vivacious, full of life, full of love, possessing a passion for our Lord! There is reason to celebrate her. There is comfort for her loved ones in knowing where she is now dancing. But . . . she is still gone.

Another family is learning to cope with the loss of their three year-old daughter to leukemia. Pictures of her sweet little head without hair during her final days evoke undescribable heartache. However, she too, is now dancing before the Lord. Again, another comfort to this family, yet their arms are empty and aching.

Brain cancer is likely to take another dear man in the days ahead. He has suffered greatly as he has fought with such vigor. His wife and ten year-old son now spend every moment possible with him, often "doing" for him as the damage to his functioning abilities have severely limited speech, movement, and comprehension. They are savoring all they can with him, yet at the same time preparing for life without him.

Two sisters live with the thoughts of who's next. They have witnessed cancer claim their brother, sister, and mother. Cancer is currently waging war upon their other sister, yet it hasn't won. Certainly this family with many many loved ones walk as best they can, trusting in Him, yet trying to balance the reality of their human genetic condition.

Then there is the man (husband and father) who is awaiting the next scan results. What will it reveal? Will there be more cancer after such an aggressive and invasive treatment recently endured? What about the "spot" on his lungs? As this family tries to function in the "normal", there is no question what is lurking in the back of all their minds. What is next? Cancer was never part of their dreams for the future.

Two and half years have passed for a dear woman and her two young daughters since they said good-bye to their favorite man. He was wonderful! I'd known him most of my life. He fought a one and a half year battle with brain cancer and then his suffering ceased . . . he became free, into the presence of the Lord. These ladies of his now function alone without their provider, protector, and biggest fan. While they are "surviving", how does one adequately prepare in advance for the devestating results that comes from a loved one's death? Who wants to "plan", financially and otherwise, for the void that is created by cancer's claim?

These just mentioned are dear to me. I have known their stories and their lives, some better than others, but nonetheless, known them. Oddly enough, all of these dear ones are part of my life, not my life as a result of cancer. Of course, then there is my story that comes into play as I think about these others. As I was trying to fall asleep last night, my mind kept going between healing and consequence. Why doesn't healing come for all? Thousands upon thousands of prayers have been lifted up on behalf of these dear ones, yet healing hasn't or didn't come. As humans, are we suffering because of the consequences of our actions? Is it because of routine choices we don't even understand that are a result of decades, perhaps centuries, of neglect upon our bodies? There are so many scriptures with clear direction of asking for God's healing and the truth that He will grant it . . . yet I witness not this gift. Or, maybe my thoughts of healing are not quite the same as His.

What do you think? Certainly your life has been scarred by cancer in some way or other.

Naming Names, part 2

Can't quite even figure where to begin with this "naming"! As previously written, there are those "places" that rise above the norm. It's easy to drop dollars on their counters as the pleasantness of their ways removes any sting in the release. In fact, it becomes quite easy to frequent these locations as it slightly resembles Cheers . . . "where everybody knows your name"!

Well, we have just this place. It has nourished many many many a meal for our tummies! It all started almost eight years ago after a marketing trip to Stater Bros. to gather some simple groceries. As I was shopping, the morning sickness of my sixth pregnancy was horribly increasing. I was buying anything and everything with the thought that each of the items would soothe the churning about me. So, groceries were paid for, loaded in the car, however, we'd not make it home to partake of even one of these delicacies I had chosen. As . . . there it was, across the parking lot not far from our car . . . the life-sized "Macho Burrito" splashed across the window of Del Taco Woodcrest!! Could it be more beautiful or appetizing? I think NOT! It was a "have to have" moment that would forever change the course of eating for our family! Not having been too fond of Del Tacos in the past, those thoughts were shoved aside in efforts to obtain this delicious-looking Mexican feast! Certainly it was "just what the baby ordered"!!

Then it happened . . . we entered the door, it was getting oh so close! While I didn't initially realize that this wasn't like just any Del Taco, quickly I became aware of the difference here. The boys and I ordered . . . and ordered big! Of course, the Macho Burrito was the first item, followed by tacos and quesadillas. Relatively rather simple food really . . . but, incredibly fabulous on taste! The tray arrived and we dug in. There was one bite after another after another, with not much talk going on. Every item we ate, was amazing! We left and I, the morning sickness sufferer, was totally satisfied. You know what that meant, yep, we'd be back the next day for the very same thing! And that we did . . . for five days!

As we were "nourished" at this fast-food establishment, we began to meet those behind the counter. They would laugh and smile as we would arrive the next day followed by the next. Before this five-day run was over, my husband joined us and discovered this hidden gem we were feverishly talking of! It didn't take long for us to be considered "regulars". They welcomed us . . . what a warm feeling! But more importantly, they provided a fantabulous product and served it with a smile!

Fast forward nearly eight years . . . these "people" have become friends, real friends. They have ridden the roller coaster with us of morning sickness, pre-term labor, new babies, cancer, chemotherapy, and yet more cancer. These "people" . . . Robert, Denise, Diana, and their wonderful crew, have even delivered our favorite menu items to the house to "perk up" our days. They call to check on us when my health has kept us away. They've surprised too many times to count at the door with a bag of "comfort" food on some of our very darkest of days.

Our hearts jump when we think about this place we affectionately call "Cathy's Kitchen" . . . but, better known to most as Del Taco Woodcrest! Thank you for your beyond the mark food service. You've touched so much more than our tummies, you've reached the depths of our hearts! We love you guys!

Happy Birthday to Mother Nut!

On this day, the fourteenth day of November, in the year 1949, a dear dear soul was given breath. She would forever change the lives of any she came in contact with . . . especially mine! As I wrote about before, she and I have just celebrated our silver anniversary. Her life has been one of the best birthday gifts I've ever been given (remember, we met on my 19th birthday). We've had an over-abundance of fun, smiles, tears, laughter, heartache, uncertain journeys, hilarious experiences, but most of all . . . the heart-gripping type of satisfaction that comes from one who has completely penetrated the depths of your being. That, my friends, is the place of Nancy Drake (aka Mother Nut) in my life. She loves me like few outsiders ever have. She loves my husband and children like most have never. We love her as if she were our own. Oh, Mother Nut, words escape me at this time to even attempt to convey the love we have for you. Above all, know this . . . you've got us and our hearts! We love love love you!

Happy Happy 60th Birthday dear Nancy . . . Mrs. Drake . . . Mother Nut! You're one of a kind . . . the "kind" we just love!

Naming Names

The clock's been ticking and my body has been healing. This third time of recovery just hasn't been as challenging as the other two. Could it be that my children are three years older, that I've "been there, done that" twice before, or that like birth . . . it just gets easier the more times you go through it?! However it is, I have to fight with myself to keep my activities to a sensible level. But things, they are a changin' . . . I'm getting stronger each day! Today was the "follow-up" visit with the surgeon . . . how is it possible that three weeks will be tomorrow?

Tuesday, I took a little drive. Jared had an appointment near where I could take care of a few errands. With a short list in hand, we headed out . . . just my Jared and me! As we took care of business, God's little "kisses" were evident at several of our stops. These "kisses" got me to thinking about our "life" here in Riverside. While it's not exactly the city I thought I'd be living in, God has blessed us abundantly here and we do have a good life . . . good, being defined by "who" is part of it! It may sound strange to have friends at some of these places, but, indeed they are friends!

Spencer's Pharmacy: Is it really possible to be friends with the Pharmacist? YES! You see, this pharmacy isn't like Walgreen's or CVS . . . they are like family. They know who you are, greet you by name, remember if you're needing a refill, will deliver to your home, don't make you "wait and shop" while they fill your prescription, and best of all . . . their smiles are real and constant! Thank you VJ, Sandy, Mary, Kristina and the other kind-hearted girls that take the yuck out of going to the pharmacy! You are a cut above and a delight to see!

Pena Chiropractic: Another service-oriented establishment! Here's the skinny on this place . . . you drive up into the parking lot, maybe passing by the single glass entrance door. After parking, proceed into the office to find they noticed your car as it rolled by, resulting in your chart already being "pulled" and ready to go! Of course, your name has already been used by a smiling Jamie, James, or Connie. Then, after you're seated at "table one or two", Dr. Pena arrives with a smile and hands ready to "adjust". Prior to the adjustment, he always takes time to find out how his patients are. I am convinced he cares! Again, smiles abound here as well!

Dr. Jack Kavanaugh's Office: From the first step into this Orthodontist's office, we were "sold" on the service they would provide for our four "crooked" sets of teeth! They greeted us with respect and had, again, smiles! One might think this was a sales ploy . . . most definitely NOT. After innumerable visits, the smiles are still beaming and the friendliness just grows with time! I dare say, it will be sad when this teeth straightening experience comes to an end . . . never fear, however, we have two more "crooked" sets of teeth in the home that just aren't yet fully matured! This office has done more than just take care of braces, they have touched our life! Thank you Dr. Kavanaugh, Karen, Tina, Judy, Collette, Annette, Maria, T'Ann, Leah, and Melanie . . . you take the mundane out of such a process as braces and make it FUN! We always look forward to seeing you!

Trader Joe's: Is it possible to get nourishment for your stomach as well as your heart from a "market"? It is at TJ's! Upon entering the store, we're always greeted with smiles from any employee we "run" into! They're ready to help and check stock if the shelf is empty. I so appreciate this as I usually need more than just one of most things! At the checkout, smiles and friendliness are just part of the register experience. Diana, James, Mr. Mango-Man, as well as so many others make check-writing rather painless! Thank you TJ's for kickin' it up a notch while buying milk, bananas, cereal, yogurt, tea, etc. You make it oh so easy to try something new!

Do you detect a theme here? Yes, smiles! Have you considered how a smile touches someone? How it may change their hour or day? They are a fabulous gift and one that doesn't cost too much on the part of the giver. I am honored to be able to "name names" here, drawing praise and attention to those who rise above the otherwise monotonous tasks of daily life. Your "service with a smile" stands out and brightens life's moments! Each of you are cherished and bring smiles to our faces.

Fred O. Cooper

Today is the birthday of my beloved Grampa, Fred O. Cooper. He would have been 94. Grampa had nearly 91 beautiful years of life, entering the presence of our Lord only three weeks before his birthday. He was THE man, setting the bar high for any to follow. Part of his incredible beauty was his ability to love. Never have I met anyone who loved so unconditionally . . . from the mailman to the grandchildren to the grocery clerk to the great-grandchildren to the neighbors to the in-laws to his children to his wife, my Gramma.

Gramma and Grampa's marriage was a love-affair that far surpassed all. Don't know that I ever saw them "just sitting" without their hands clasped tightly. Indeed, it was wonderful! I had the privilege of living with them for the almost five years following high school graduation. What a gift it was! During that time, I was taught what love between a couple meant . . . something I had never learned before. I also was loved on and encouraged in a way that was so very new to me. Those years rate as some of the very best in my life!


Long ago, I remember hoping that my Grampa would "know" my children. As my boys grew, that desire turned to a longing for my children to "know" my Grampa. That they got to do . . . he was like their Grampa, too. I wish my girls would have had more time with him. They, though, have a heart stuck on Big Papa from their own memories as well as those that are fueled by the many photos of the years.

His last days on this earth were tainted with terminal cancer. Six months before his passing, we learned of this awful disease that was ravaging his body. During this same time, I was battling my second recurrence of cancer. What a challenging time it was. He and I had CT Scans the same day . . . both revealing undesireable results. We shared tears, love, and words that will be impressed upon my heart forever.

Grampa . . . my favorite, the one who was like my daddy, the one I terribly miss.

Seven & Forty-Four

Seven . . . the number of blessedly joyful years that Hannah Joy has been in our home, part of our family, bringing such sunshine to our life! She became the introducer of "pink" to our very "blue" home. Her ways have softened our very male boys . . . they melt with any of her requests. Her Daddy is the biggest "sucker" of all . . . bending with just the slightest flicker of her eyes. Her Mama can't get enough of her, often times having to refrain from hugging her too tight. Her sister, arriving 16 months later, adores the bigger girl that cleared the way to high heels, fancy dresses, elaborate hair clips and anything pink. What a fantastic gift she is to our home . . . we are truly blessed! These seven years . . . ahhh, these seven years . . . pure joy with her. Happy 7th Birthday Hannah Joy!



Forty-four . . . the increasing number representing the years God has given me on this earth. Oh, how thankful I am for each of those years and the memories they hold. Of course, the memories that are most dear, are the ones involving my precious family . . . the day we fell in love, the day we became parents (and again, and again, and again, and again), the intense love that grew as our family grew. We are one great family and I am so very blessed to be the Mama of it!! Thank you, family of mine, for making #44 such a grand celebration. When we're together, anytime's a party!



It is an extra-special treat to share our birthdays so close together . . . just nine days apart! Happy days they are!

The Mountain

Before reading, scroll to the bottom and click on the song "Rescue" (#5) from my Playlist. Let it play as you read . . . allow the Lord to join you here.

You are the source of life,
I can't be left . . . behind.
No one else will do.
I will take hold of You.

I need you Jesus, to come to my rescue.
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved,
Capture me with grace . . . I will follow you.

You are the source of life, and I can't be left . . . behind.
No one else will do.
I will take hold of You.

'Cuz I need you Jesus, to come to my rescue.
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved,
Capture me with grace.
And, I need you Jesus to come to my rescue.
Tell me, where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved.
Oh, capture me with grace.
I will follow You.
I will follow You.
I will follow You.

This world has nothin' for me.
I will follow You.
This world has nothin' for me.
I will follow You.
This world has nothin' for me.
I'm gonna follow You.
This world has nothin' for me.

I need you Jesus to come to my rescue.
Oh, where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved.
Won't you capture me with grace?
Lord, come and capture me with grace.
Capture me with grace . . . I will follow You.

I will follow You.

As I spend these days now recovering, I am plagued with thoughts of the future. Thoughts of how to get through these next "hurdles" toward that seven-year mark of being cancer-free. It seems unattainable . . . rather unachievable. There were 1,116 days toward that 2,555 day goal that had been conquered and won. They are now gone. As of 11 days ago, I find myself starting over yet again. Now on my third attempt to climb the "seven-year mountain", I take a deep breath and grab onto the Lord, once more. Don't know that I'll ever understand this repeat visit to the foothill region of my mountain. Perhaps I don't need to understand. I do know that as I "climb", I see Him and His beauty. Haven't I already crossed that stream, creek, ravine? Haven't I already struggled to get over that boulder, slightly slipping a time or two? Haven't the trees been so dense, I couldn't see what was next? What does He want to show me this time? Is there something I missed before . . . maybe something of intricate beauty? Maybe the path this time won't be as treacherous? Afterall, I've already cleared some of the brush, scrub and weeds on my two prior trips up this same hillside climb. You know, it's really not of concern what the "path" may hold this time. I'm quite certain that if I knew the end from the beginning, I wouldn't even take the first step. It is He who keeps me, strengthens me, comforts me, guides me, blesses me and even calls me His own! His promises are true and real to take care of this step . . . the only one I need to deal with right now. The next step is yet to be . . . with Him there as well!

So, as the song said, He is the source of life, my life, and I won't be left behind! He has repeatedly come to my rescue and captured me with grace! These are strong words that pack a powerful punch . . . words I'll cling to for strength.

Decidely, I will follow Him.