God's Heart

Today, I attended the memorial service for a woman that was murdered (she was the sister of my dear friend). My friend's family has been faced with one of the most horrific trials in life. However, this is not the only trial they are facing or have faced. Their circumstances make one begin to question how they can possibly endure anything else. Nineteen months ago, my friend's husband was diagnosed with a very advanced form of cancer. He's endured a great deal of suffering as he fights this dreaded disease. Thirteen months ago, my friend's mother suffered a debilitating stroke. Eleven months ago, my friend's mother was ushered into the presence of her precious Heavenly Father. Seven months ago, my friend's husband's cancer was found to have spread. Two months ago, my friend's father suffered a fall breaking his hip. His recovery has not gone well as his health is severely compromised. Less than two months ago, my friend's sister was murdered at the hands of the sister's own husband. Now there are two children without a mother while their father sits in jail.

It is not for me to even begin to wonder about all that has happened to this family in the past 19 months. Words escape me as I sit with her, trying to bring about some comfort. The comfort that I do have to offer comes from a great unending source . . . a source that never runs dry. That I speak of is from our loving God who is just waiting to meet us in the midst of whatever we are facing. My friend is a wonderful follower of Christ, having given her life to Him many years ago. In these last months, however, her relationship with Him has seen a whole new level of His love and provision for her. As her tears flow, she'd be the first to tell you of His mercy, grace and immeasurable compassion. While I attempt to comfort her, I leave being the one comforted and reminded of all that I live for. If only you could meet this dear friend of mine! She is a treasure!

In leaving the service today, I have new words burned into my heart that will never leave. It was said during this time of honoring my friend's sister . . .

"we can't always trace the hand of God, but we can always trust the heart of God."

Perhaps this is the real truth of what we go through here on this earth as humans. So often, the trials we face seem insurmountable and cause question regarding the accompanying suffering. Of course, we want understanding of the "whys" . . . however, all understanding is not for us to have. What we are entitled, though, is to know that the heart of God is always for our us!

Neutral

What a word . . . "neutral". Not really certain what to do with it. I don't like neutral . . . not the color, not the feeling, not the gear on the car. Neutral's just kind of "there", not really being anything at all. Whatever it is, however, right now I'm it . . . neutral!

Simply considering the past four months, my head spins with wonder at how we've done it all. Recovering from cancer surgery is a major issue itself. Keeping schooling on track, another milestone for this homeschool mama. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's, along with five birthdays (in our family alone) have all been celebrated . . . maybe a bit less than prior occasions, but nonetheless, celebrated! Our boys' basketball season is in full swing, occupying much time on this family's part! No matter the commitment of hours, it's a good thing. Between practices and games, the little ladies, Daddy and this Mama sit courtside many hours a week cheering on our favorite players . . . my three sons!

So, these accomplishments just listed should keep me out of "neutral" . . . right? I think to some degree, they have. Basketball has been a great distractor from the ever-present reminders of cancer's recurrence. It is with pleasure I "taxi" from one game to another with excited anticpation of just getting to watch my blessings out on the court! Birthdays and holidays have a natural way of making days "different". School is another thing for me, however. On this day, we are half way through the school year. Yeah! But at the same time, Noooo! In just three semesters, our first student will graduate high school. Strangely, I don't look forward to that day. Of course, I want him to keep progressing, growing, and maturing. BUT, I don't want this season to be finished. I have loved my role as "mama" since the day I started. Yes, there are four other precious children following behind this firstborn, however, as I have learned, life just moves more quickly with each one.

There is much for which to be grateful and joyful regarding my life. So, why then do I feel so "neutral". I've thought a lot about this feeling and state I find myself in. Why am I this way? I love color, feeling, moving, going, being . . . you know, sensations that are of substance. To me, it serves as an indicator of the Lord's presence in my life. While I haven't quite completely figured out this present condition, I do know it's real. I fear that "neutral" has arisen out of a need for protection mode. This third recurrence with cancer really caught me off guard. I've spent the better part of nearly three years battling concern about it's return. I was just getting the place of "relaxing" a bit when "it" reared it's ugly head again.

Maybe I'm just afraid to "feel". That stinks . . . I really like to "feel".

Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,
Common Sense,
who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were lost
long ago in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated
such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair;
and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple,
sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn)
and reliable strategies
(adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly
when, well-intentioned but overbearing,
regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school
for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student,
only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground
when parents attacked teachers
for doing the job
that they themselves had failed to do
in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further
when schools were required to get parental consent
to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student;
but could not inform parents
when a student became pregnant
and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live
as the churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment
than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating
when you couldn't defend yourself
from a burglar in your own home
and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live,
after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.
She spilled a little in her lap,
and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,
by his parents, Truth and Trust,
by his wife, Discretion,
by his daughter, Responsibility,
and by his son, Reason...

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral
because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on.
If not, join the majority and do nothing.