Here I sit writing this in the wee hours of the morning . . . the very same wee hours of the morning that would begin the arrival of our sweet Sarah six years ago! Today, the baby of our family, Sarah, will become six years old. There's something about six that is so very different than five. Don't know what it is . . . it's really not that much more time. Six just "sounds" so much older than five. Having a five year old made it seem (just at tiny bit) like I still had a "baby". If you know me, you know that I absolutely adore babies!
Since I can remember, I've wanted a house full of children . . . lots of 'em! I guess, to some, I do have a house full of children. There is a problem, however . . . these said children are growing at an alarming rate! And, there is no replenishment on the tail end of more babies joining our family. That's the part that just grieves me. I don't want to be "that" old that we're done having babies. I remember when we got home from our honeymoon and I went to the market for the first time. There on the rack heading toward the produce department, was "Bride's" magazine. It hit me . . . I've been "that" now, no more dreaming of "the day"! A bit of sadness, until I noticed "American Baby" sitting right next to the bridal mags! Alright . . . this is gonna be great, babies are on the horizon! So, even though that was nearly 19 years ago, it feels like yesterday. How can I have a child almost graduated from high school? How can my baby be six? Why are there no more after her? It really hurts that this cancer I fight eliminated my ability to have more children. I'm still 20 something years old . . . right? Well, maybe in my mind! Thus, the quandary I find myself in . . . life's just moving way too fast. I do take time to "stop and smell the roses"! I take a billion pictures to "preserve" the precious memories that are being made! I sit and enjoy the skin of my babies (okay, maybe the little girlies more than the big strappin' dudes these days!) . . . and I love their smell, too! I thoroughly enjoy being a mother -- it's the most incredible experience!
Back to my sweet Sarah! Her day started with a 1:00 a.m. "something's not feeling right" statement to my dear sleeping husband. He jolted out of bed, fearing a freeway delivery! A special friend arrived within minutes to send us off to the hospital to "check on things"! Upon arrival, I was progressing rapidly toward the delivery of this precious pink package. Just less than five hours later, our sweet Sarah made her way into our arms! Such a dark haired beauty she was with a look all her own! My Main Man and I, were again, overwhelmed with this "gift" that was before us. Such a treasure she became in only moments! It wouldn't be long until her three brothers and big sister would set eyes upon her and fall in love as well! Our family had just become even more fantastic!
This dear child I speak of has so many characteristics. She is spunky and hilarious. She is gentle and maternal. She can be spicey and a bit naughty. She is snuggly and huggy. She has much to keep up with and does an amazing job. She is an incredible blessing in her unique special way! This little girl rarely is without "Pink Dress Baby" . . . her beloved doll. In her eyes, she herself is already a mother and lovingly tends to the needs of "PDB". I melt when I watch her . . . she makes my heart "jiggle"!
There are days, too, when I watch her that I struggle to hold back the tears. Her short little life has just about been completely filled with having a mother that has not been well. She doesn't remember life when we haven't prayed for God's hand to heal Mama of cancer. That's a big word for such a little girl, however, she knows no different so maybe it's "normal" to her. As a mother desiring the very best for my children, it's hard to "fit" the word cancer into their lives. However, as I've said before, this is one of those areas where complete trust in God's perfect plan comes to an absolute. His ways are not my ways, nor are His thoughts my thoughts. Praise the Lord! This circumstance called "life", that at times seems rather uncertain, has got my Lord in control. I need not worry, nor fear!
Sweet Sarah,
Happy Happy Birthday to you! You are a gift of blessing that "jiggles" my heart each and every time I see you or even think about you. I love that you like to have "snuggle time" with Mama. I love that you let me feel your skin before you get your jammies on! I love the pictures and love notes you make for me! I love that we both love the color pink! I love that you already love my Jesus! Will you call Him your own someday? That's the best decision you could ever make . . . choosing Him! Always remember that I have loved you since the day I knew you were on the way . . . a day 15 months before you actually arrived! Ask me about that sometime, honey! It's a beautiful story for a beautiful girl.
Happy 6th Birthday Sweet Sarah! You are so loved!
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There is a child in this home that often times I call my little "flower". She was born after the loss of two babies significantly into their pregnancies. Her arrival was filled with much "joy" and was something especially unique because, after five boys, she was our first daughter! Immediately, she was so different and has proven to be that still to this day. She is soft, delicate, lovely, gentle . . . such a beautiful reminder of God's goodness to me! This said child is my Hannah Joy, my precious flower!.jpg)
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