What Will God Do?

"You and yours are in my heart and prayers. God bless you."
"Praying . . . "
"Always praying for your my friend. Love you."
"Of course we will pray for your and your family . . . "
"I hope you know how much I love you . . . "
"Praying. He is faithful."
"Please heal her precious body so she may continue to serve you . . . "
"Broken and praying for you, my precious precious friend."
"We prayed and are praying for your sister."
"Praying now."
"Still praying."
"I will be praying daily."
"I know He loves you beyond our comprehension. He also knows how much your family needs you."
"Happy to pray for you."
"He never leaves you."
"I love you as does our Mighty Lord! He is our Tower of Refuge; He hears you and all praying dearly for you."
"Our prayers DO NOT fall on deaf ears. He KNOWS your family needs you."

These are a few of the sweet thoughts and special words left on my Facebook page this evening after I posted about my upcoming PET/CT scan to be done this Wednesday. Few know the suffering I have endured this summer, for the most part, I've kept it close to myself. Tirelessly, I have resisted the urging of others (and that of my own mind) to have a scan to determine what the source of my pelvic pain is from. I've wanted to win this battle with FAITH . . . the faith I have in my Mighty Lord's ability to heal. Have I failed because I now have a scan scheduled? I have pressed on, trusting, in the midst of debilitating pain that keeps me from sleeping. I have begged for His mercy upon me to grant me sweet slumber. This has not happened. Why? How do I go on? What must I learn from the trecherous leg of this journey?

Though I have walked with the Lord since I was a young seven year old, I must admit that my faith is still "childlike" when it comes to not understanding the answer of His choosing. There are many many many dear ones who have prayed, begged, pleaded of the Lord on my behalf for healing from this cancer that is waging war upon me (whether physically or mentally). Why, when He instructs us to pray, to trust, to believe and "it shall be done" . . . why is it not the case for me?

Again, I am presented with the aching reality of me and my life. My life dream has been to serve Him in the best way possible in my home as a wife and mother, to be an ambassador for Him in the lives of the dear blessings He has entrusted to me. Is removing me from their life the "best way possible"? How can this be? I grew up without the love of a mother. That void is something that runs deep and is not easily forgotten, no matter how hard I try to leave it at the Altar. Please, Lord, allow me to be mother to my babes. Allow me to have time to continue the work that is still in progress in their lives. Allow me to kiss their soft skin, whisper words of truth from your Word, teach them of You and Your love.

Please don't take me yet, Lord . . . I beg, please not yet.