. . . Am I closer to my Lord?
Ten years ago this past June, I said goodbye to our fourth baby, our fourth son, half way through my pregnancy with him. The heartache that came with that season was like none I'd experienced before. Many challenges happened during that time. There were days I didn't understand. Tears flowed from each of us five who were so looking forward to this new member for our family. The three precious sons we already had wondered where their brother "went". Could they "get on a plane to go see him" they asked. Aching for this littlest guy was overwhelming. There was, however, our amazing loving God that surrounded, engulfed, loved, nurtured and carried us through that time of aching. He drew us near and blessed in ways that melt me in just thinking about them. At the time, I remember thinking, I am already so close to you, Lord. How could there be need for this? I've experienced the "fire" and trusted you through it. What am I too learn now?
Well, as any "seasoned" lover of the Lord knows, trials and challenges are part of the journey to which there is no limit (as are His blessings along the way!). He has never promised this earthly life to be understood . . . for His ways are not ours, nor are His thoughts ours. Without question, however, does He promise to love, provide and protect us through it all.
So, here, ten years later, I do know Him more. I do know Him deeper. I do have a greater love for Him. And to think I thought I'd arrived back in 2001! Ahh, the growth yet to occur! Praise the Lord He keeps loving us!
Tonight while enduring some rather severe physical suffering, this song came up on my iPod "worship" playlist. Immediately, I was drawn into His presence as if literally on my knees before Him. Trying to sing along proved impossible as tears and crying to my Lord overtook every part of me. Shaking and trembling, I imagined His arms carrying me just like an infant . . . one He loves dearly, one He created for Himself. As I am faced with surrending earthly thoughts, I realize the relationship I have with the Lord has grown practically beyond my understanding, deeper than I ever thought possible.
Deeper in love with Him I stand everyday.
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